A Letter to my Father Who is Missing Out on My Life
Jan 31, 2017 06:43AM
By Caitlyn Leary
You were my hero for as long as I can remember. Always bringing me to soccer practices, and watching them from start to finish. Cheering me on at every game, and then the same at every track meet. You instilled my love for running. You taught me to be strong when I thought the world was coming to an end. I chose you. I chose you over and over again. You were my best friend. I never thought you would just stop showing me you loved me.
I was so angry with you for years. Years that you didn't come home to me. Years that I just wanted to hear that you loved me before I went to sleep at night. I know I was a teenager, but I still needed you. But you just didn't understand this, no matter how many times I tried to tell you. You just told me you loved me and that you would spend more time with me, but it never happened, ever.
Flash forward six years, and it still hasn't changed. You go weeks without checking in on me. Weeks without telling me you love me. Months without seeing me. I just want to tell you how my day is going. I just want to hear your voice. I miss your hugs. I miss you, every single day. I just don't understand why you don't miss me enough to call me, to talk to me, to tell me you love me every day.
I invite you to everything, but it's excuse after excuse. For once, I just want you to show up. Show up to support. I feel pathetic and vulnerable when I talk about you because I am embarrassed. Embarrassed that I don't get to brag about you to all of my friends. Brag about what an amazing father you are. You were an amazing father until I was fourteen, and then things changed. I don't know why they had to change, and I wish they never had because you were my very best friend. You taught me how to ride a bike, you told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world, you played soccer with me for hours even though you hated soccer, you ran 5K's with me at my pace when I was eight years old, you drove me everywhere, you supported me in everything, and you loved me endlessly.
I act strong everyday, but on the inside, I am truly broken. You have completely broken me through your actions. Actions can never be forgotten, but they can be forgiven. A father should talk to their children on a regular basis, so they do not feel forgotten and useless. I just want to hear that you love me so I can stop crying. A father should never make their child cry.
I'm writing this letter to you, so you wake up and realize what you are missing out on. You are missing out on my life. You are missing out on watching me grow into a young woman. I just want to make you proud. I haven't had the courage to do speak my emotions for a very long, but it is time that my voice is heard. I need you to realize what you have done to me.
I am not doing this to be selfish. I am doing this because you have completely shattered me time after time whether you believe it or not. I am supposed to be your number one girl, and I was for so long and then I was forgotten. Just because your kids are in their twenties now does not mean they do not need a father. We will need you for as long as you live. All I ask is that you support and love me. That is all a child deserves. No one deserves to feel forgotten.
You will always be my hero whether or not we have a relationship because you have instilled strength in me. Without you being their throughout my childhood, I would be a very different woman.
With Endless Love,
Your Darling Daughter